Father of the Bride Speech – what to write, say and do - Updated for 2024
Congratulations to you and your family on your daughter’s upcoming wedding!!
It must feel like yesterday that your beautiful little girl was born, and that you and everyone in your family were rejoicing in the very miracle of her existence.
And now, she’s all grown up, and about to embark upon a brand-new, exciting chapter in her life, with her husband-to-be…
As far as the wedding goes, on the one hand, you are over the moon about all the joyous celebrations.
On the other hand, you may be feeling a little anxious and under pressure, because you will be giving one of the most important wedding speeches of them all – the Father of the Bride speech.
This post will guide you through what you need to do to write and deliver a fantastic and memorable father of the bride speech – a speech that you, your daughter, and all the wedding guests will absolutely love!
1. Get started early.
It’s absolutely essential that you don’t leave writing your father of the bride speech until the last second.
You will still need to write your speech, whether it’s a day before or a month before the wedding date.
If you procrastinate, you will only make yourself more stressed and panicky!
Choose a date - say sometime around 4-6 weeks before the big day - and note that date in your diary as the date you commit to start working on your speech.
It is SO much better to start mulling over your speech early when you’re nice and calm, than scrambling to write your speech in a blind panic, at the very last minute.
Starting early gives you plenty of time to write the best speech ever, one that is heart-felt and does you proud.
2. How to get started
Sure, it’s a bit overwhelming staring at a blank page or a blank screen with a flashing cursor, and not having a clue where to start and what to write.
But, getting started with your wedding speech is a lot easier than you think.
Often in life we can get overwhelmed by a task that looks scary and overwhelming.
You need to break down the task of writing your wedding speech into digestible pieces. Just like if you were to eat an elephant – I know it doesn’t sound that appealing - but you get the idea!
Please refer to my blog post on how to write a speech using a simple formula.
This post guides you through the process of building a speech from the ground up. It also describes the process of mind-mapping to generate tons of ideas to incorporate into your speech.
Alternatively, you could start by jotting down some broad headings, to get your ideas flowing.
Take out a piece of paper or start a new file on your computer, and start writing down those headings.
Simply note down any thoughts under the relevant headings.
This is simply a starting point and is by no means a comprehensive list.
Likewise, you don’t have to use all these ideas.
You are just getting them out of your mind and onto paper.
Here’s some food for thought:
Thank you’s to :
All the guests, for being there to celebrate with your family
The people who have travelled from far and wide to come to the wedding.
The people who have helped with the wedding preparations
Any close family members who have passed away but are definitely there in spirit with you all on the big day
Compliments and positive remarks
How proud you are of your daughter.
How much you love her.
Why your daughter and her new husband are such a perfect match and are made for each other
How beautiful your daughter, the bride looks. Just like her mother looked on her wedding day.
How your wife is glowing with happiness and looks amazing today.
How wonderful everyone in the wedding party looks
Qualities you love about your daughter, maybe with a short story to illustrate:
Her kindness
Her thoughtfulness
Her wicked sense of humour
Her infectious laugh
Stories – sprinkled throughout – little vignettes.
Here are some story ideasStories to demonstrate your daughter’s special qualities.
Any funny stories or expressions she came up with, from her childhood
When you first met your daughter’s husband-to-be
When your son-in-law asked you for permission to marry your daughter.
Your daughter’s accomplishments
Her studies
Her job
Her hobbies
Any special awards
Any special skills she has
Your sage fatherly advice and wise insights. e.g. how important it is not to hold grudges; how she should always prioritise the relationship with her new husband first and not get caught up with ego or having to be right.
Once you have your headings and supporting points, your creative juices will start flowing and you will create some momentum.
You don’t need to complete every section - The headings simply serve as a guide to get you thinking.
You can add some new headings too. Whatever works for you.
Once you have written your headings, you can work on completing the relevant information that belongs to each heading.
Feel free to write everything in point form.
The main thing is to get the ideas out of your head and onto paper, which is both freeing and motivating.
3. Know how long you have to speak
Ask your daughter how long you are expected to speak.
Most likely, you will be given anywhere from 3 – 7 minutes.
Knowing this tells you how many words to write, which relates to the next tip of building your speech.
Say you speak on average, at the rate of 150 words/minute.
That means a 5-minute wedding speech would equate to around 750 words.
Also remember: You don’t have to keep speaking for the sake of it.
It’s more important to be brief and succinct and having your audience want to hear more, than you just speaking because you have a certain amount of time to speak.
4. Build your speech
Without a speech structure, you will sound like you’re just rambling on and not going anywhere.
What you need is a structure – an introduction, a middle and an end.
Much like a foundation for a house. You build your overall structure, and then go about building the house, or in your case, your speech!
Have a main message or theme
Your speech is not about you. It’s about your daughter. She needs to be the star of your speech.
Of course, you should talk about your relationship.
But remember to put your daughter front and centre in your points.
Write your introduction.
You have all your headings on paper from a previous tip.
Now you are going to start writing your actual speech.
The introduction is where you try to start in an interesting and intriguing way.
It is at the beginning of a speech that listeners decide whether they will give you their full attention, or if they will zone out. So, you need to make your beginning a good one!
Take a look at my blog post on how to start a speech with a bang.
Think about how you want to start your speech.
Say with a quote, a story or a question to the audience.
Or simply saying something heartfelt like:
“Today is one of the happiest days of my life! The wedding of my beautiful daughter, Sandra!”
What’s also good about an introduction like this, is that it tells everyone who you are. Remember some of the guests may never have met you before. Now they know that you are the father of the bride.
You may want to come back to the introduction later and embellish it further, after you have written most of the body of your speech.
Write the body of the speech.
The middle or the body is where the “meat”of your speech is.
And you’ve done most of this already! The headings and the supporting information that you wrote earlier, will form the body of the speech.
In short, you have already done a lot of the thinking of what goes into the body, when you wrote down your main headings and added the various details.
The body of the speech is the perfect place for all the meat of the speech: the thank yous, the acknowledgements, your daughter’s special qualities, any amusing anecdotes or stories etc.
Remember that people love stories - our brains are all wired for them.
Just make sure any stories you share are nice and light.
And, if there is a bit of tasteful humour you can add, all the better.
Write your ending.
The ending is where you wrap everything up. Just like a great dessert, you want to leave everyone with a nice taste in their mouth.
Take a look at my blog post on how to end a presentation in style.
Although this post is on ending a presentation, a lot of the points are relevant to ending a wedding speech.
Here, you can end your speech, speaking directly to your daughter.
Look her in the eye. Tell her how much she means to you. How much you love your new son-in-law. And how you are so excited that she has met someone so beautifully suited to her, someone who makes her happy.
This is a great time to propose a toast to the young couple and their future happiness.
5. Practice, practice, practice…
Now you have your speech on paper, start reading and re-reading it, ideally out-loud.
This is the time to edit any parts that don’t read well, especially if sentences sound long or awkward - You want to aim for a speech that sounds natural and uses simple, everyday language.
This is also the perfect time to add any touches of humour that come to mind.
The more you practise reading out your speech, the better.
You will be totally familiar with the words, and they will flow off your tongue.
In fact, the more times you read it, the more they will become part of you, and you won’t need to refer to your written speech as much, on the day.
6. Overcome any nerves
You may feel anxious at the prospect of speaking in public.
This is totally normal, even for the most seasoned speakers.
Remind yourself that your speech is not about you - It’s about your daughter.
This will take the focus off you, how you look and how you sound, will help allay any nerves and anxiety you may be feeling.
Also remind yourself that people are in a happy, festive mood.
They’re cheering you on, they’re not judging you.
They are excited to hear your wonderful speech and they want you to succeed!
If you feel the need, arrange a couple of sessions with a public speaking coach to work alongside you and help you with different strategies to overcome nerves.
Also, check out my post on using breathing techniques to relax your mind and body.
Breathing deeply and fully is a powerful way to overcome any public speaking nerves.
7. Ace your delivery
When you practise saying your speech aloud, practise your delivery too.
Here are some tips to deliver your speech with flair:
Speak clearly. Do not mumble or swallow your words.
Speak at a nice, even pace, so everyone can absorb your every word.
Remember to smile a lot. You don’t want to appear solemn at this happy event. Plus, when you smile, you will counteract any nerves.
Don’t keep your face buried in your notes. Make eye contact with the wedding guests. Look up as much as possible, like you are in a conversation with them.
In summary
Your daughter’s wedding day is one of the happiest days in both her life and in your life, as her proud and loving father.
With a bit of forward planning and preparation, I am confident that you will deliver a great speech!
In an upcoming post, I plan to write a Father of the Bride speech Example, that puts all of the above tips into practice.
Wishing you all the luck in the world in writing and delivering the best father of the bride speech ever!
© 2024 Susan Weser. All rights reserved.
Susan Weser is the Founder of Speaking2Win, a boutique public speaking and presentation skills consultancy, based in Melbourne, Australia. Susan’s mission is to demystify public speaking and presenting. She loves to fast-track her clients’ public speaking success, empowering them with the skills and confidence to excel in all their public speaking endeavours.
